Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Let Them Eat Cupcakes, Cupcakes, Cupcakes

The Settings: I stumbled across this blog that is devoted entirely to cupcakes. It's "all cupcakes, all the time." I thought it was pretty cool.

People tell stories about cupcakes, upload pictures of cupcakes they see in bakeries or of those that they've made themselves. People post videos of themselves talking about cupcakes. The blog includes the cupcake calendar and links to cupcake blogs and bakeries in NYC and other cities and to cupcake books. Don't forget to check out the cupcake haiku.

View the Cupcakes Take the Cake blog here.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

I Have an Idea: Shut up!

The Setting: I do not condone shooting a fellow patron in a movie theatre, but I'm thinking it might be OK to slap them around a little bit.

You should be able to tell by now that I like to go to the movies. A lot. Going to the movies for me is an experience. I get there early, get my medium popcorn and my large Icee, I sit almost all the way at the top of the stadium seating, on the aisle. I actually enjoy watching the previews, partly because they allow me to decide on the next batch of movies I'm going to see.

Inevitably, a couple comes in, usually as the previews are playing, sometimes after the movie has already started. They are talking when they walk in, they talk through the previews, then they continue to talk through the entire picture. Their conversation is usually about the movie, but the couple sitting behind me last week talked about everything but the movie. Actually, the girl was talking, the guy just grunted a few responses now and then. I was hoping one of those grunts would stand for, "shut the hell up."

The last time I went to the movies, The Couple came in and sat in the row I was in, about three seats over. They talked through the entire movie, speculating about what was happening in the movie. I do not like having a movie ruined by the people next to me saying, "I bet you the butler did it!" That's exactly what it's like. Maybe I want to figure out on my own that it was Col. Mustard, with a wrench, in the library.

So this is for you, Mr. and Mrs. Ruin the Movie For Everyone Around You. Maybe discussing the movie and figuring the mystery out is part of your experience. OK, fine. But could you sit in those seats in front of the stadium part so the rest of us don't have to hear it? And I'm not implying anything, but here's an article my friend posted about a guy who shot someone in a theatre who wouldn't stop talking. Again, I do not condone this behavior. I'm just sayin'...

Friday, December 26, 2008

"We have to kill Hitler"

The Setting: Spoken by Tom Cruise's character, Col. Claus von Stauffenberg, in the movie Valkyrie. Easier said than done. If you're as hated as Hitler, you know someone (lots of someones) will try to kill you. He practically had bodyguards for his bodyguards.

Valkyrie is the third movie I've seen on my list of movies I want to see this holiday season. Not exactly a feel-good movie to see during the holiday season but that is not what I was expecting. It is very much of a drama with lots of moments of suspense. By how crowded the movie theatre was, it appears a lot of people were able to see past the wackiness of Tom Cruise's personal life. Good.

This is one of those films that you go into knowing pretty much how it's going to end. We all knew the Titantic was going to sink, but we still rooted for the characters; we wanted them to succeed, to survive. Well, most of them, anyway. This movie takes you to that place. This picture is not about how the plot ends, it's about the plan, the operation, the attempt. Men who felt strongly enough about their cause that they were willing to risk not only their own lives but the lives of their families as well. It did a great job of portraying the struggle the men felt, wanting to do something but knowing the consequences of failure.

It was based on a true story which, I admit, I really know nothing about, so I don't know how accurate this story is or isn't. Apparently there were 15 known attempts on Hitler's life by Germans. This movie is the portrayal of one of those attempts. As one character says, "We have to show the world that not all of us were like him."

The movie also stars Christian Berkel, Kenneth Branagh, and Terrence Stamp. I liked the movie and I recommend it. I give it three and a half Slurpees.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Happy Holiday Potluck!

The Setting: We had our holiday potluck at work today. Final score - Christmas cookies: 12, My plan to lose weight: 0.

I took veggies and ranch dip, 'cause it didn't require my having to actually cook anything. But then I made the mistake yesterday of telling a couple co-workers about this recipe I saw online that I planned to make one day.

Long story short, they shamed me into making the recipe. But I'm glad I did. They were amazing although a little hard on my lactose intolerance. Whatever. I walk on the wild side.

Anyway, the recipe is on BettyCrocker.com and it's called Apple Struesel Cheesecake Bars. There is a variation that I plan to make one day called Almond Struesel Cherry Cheesecake Bars, except I'm going to make them without the almonds. Just so you know.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Baby, You Are Magnetic

The Setting: A friend of mine at work gave me one of those magnetic poetry kits for Christmas. You know the ones?

It's a bunch of magnetic words that you use to create some clever saying and stick it to the refrigerator or some other magnetic surface. Except this one is for dog lovers. As I was on my way to the cafeteria I left a message on her desk: beautiful animals sniff butt.

When I got back from the cafe, she had left a message on my desk: sniff beautiful animals butt.

Oh, I am so gonna have a ball with these magical little magnets! Stay tuned...

Saturday, December 20, 2008

"Do you consider yourself to be a good person?"

The Setting: Walking out of the movie theatre after watching Seven Pounds, all I heard was silence. And a few women (and maybe a few men) sniffing.

Seven Pounds is the second movie I've seen from my list of movies I want to see this Christmas season. One of the reasons I wanted to see it is because the previews and commercials really haven't given too much of the movie away. I really like being able to see a movie under those circumstances and watching it unfold, without knowing much about what's going to happen. Yes, that means I am not going to tell you the plot here.

I was disappointed that I managed to guess part of what was going on a little more than half-way through the movie, but there were some surprises at the end. However, I felt things could have been much more of a surprise if they had left a few things out earlier. Do not expect a Sixth Sense punch .

Certain parts reminded me of another Will Smith movie, I am Legend: Will Smith waking up from a nightmare about something that happened in the past; Will Smith in the shower, upset about something that happened in the past; flashbacks of bits and pieces of something (we just don't know what yet) that happened in the past. Of course, we get to see the whole situation in the end.

This movie is very much of a drama, so expect it to be slow moving in certain spots. Will Smith is good at dramas, but he is really subdued in this movie and I did get a little sick of his having the same look on his face in several scenes. The potential for this movie to be great was there but lack of believeability in parts allowed it to only be good.

Smith's relationship with Rosario Dawson is, as times, elegant. In smaller roles: Barry Pepper, Woody Harrelson, and Michael Ealy. I would give this movie a three and a half out of five Slurpees (that's my new rating system). Worth seeing, but I always recommend going to the matinee just because I never pay full price for a movie.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

We're (Still) Doomed, I Tell Ya!

The Setting: Just in case you weren't depressed enough, here is some gloom and doom from "eight of the market's sharpest thinkers."

View the slide show here in which these experts predict what's going to happen with the economy over the next couple of years.

My favorite line: "In my view, U.S. stocks are still not attractive."

No shit.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

"The Process Has Begun"

The Setting: Cue dramatic music and zoom in on Keanu Reeve's emotionless face as he utters this line to the poor, helpless humans in The Day the Earth Stood Still.

This movie is on my list of movies I want to see this Christmas season. I'll start my review with two comments. As the closing credits were rolling a lady walking past said to me, "Not as good as the original." Then a couple went by and I heard the woman say, "It was kinda hokey." Both true statements.

I didn't expect to see Oscar-nomination-worthy performances; I just wanted to see stuff getting blown up. Surprisingly, this movie really doesn't have a lot of that. For example, you just know that in every disaster or alien-attack movie, NYC will be destroyed. In this movie, we see parts of it destroyed, but not how you would expect. This movie has way more drama and way less action than I expected.

Plus, there is a message that is overdone to the point of being preachy. And in the end, it was a little too, well... easy to get rid of the aliens.

Keanu Reeves was good at being robotic and unemotional as Klaatu. Seeing him in a suit for much of the movie was weird because I couldn't stop thinking about the bad guys in The Matrix. Jennifer Connelly is the sympathetic scientist who wants to help Klaatu. Jaden Smith seems too bratty and smart alecky most of the movie, even after we learn his situation. Kathy Bates is tough as nails as the US Secretary of Defense. In my opinion, the star of the show is the huge, indestructible, super robot that comes out of the spacecraft. He (It?) was named Gort in the original movie, although I don't remember them saying his name in this movie. Anyway, I would like to see Gort get his own starring role.

I would give the movie a two and a half out of five. My advice if you want to see this movie: either go to a matinee (absolutely do not pay full price) or wait until the DVD comes out. In better news, yes, I had my requisite Slurpee, plus I saw a preview for the upcoming Star Trek movie, which looks promising.



Thursday, December 11, 2008

You Want Some of Barack, too, Palin?

The Setting: Apparently, they're having a hard time finding a decent Barack Obama impersonator, a Fauxbama. I thought he had enough things going on with his voice and mannerisms that someone would be able to do it.

Fred Armisen on Saturday Night Live is only fair at his impersonation, although I think this past Saturday was the best he's done so far. Well, there's this kid on YouTube who's actually very good - he has the voice, the pauses and inflections, the "uh's," the head movements, and the finger pointings down. And he's also very funny. He doesn't look that much like Obama, but he is definitely the best I've heard so far.

His name is Iman Crossun and he has moved from Ohio to LA and now has a manager, so I'm sure we'll all see him somewhere, soon. Check out Iman's video on YouTube, which shows Obama preparing for a debate. This other video of the third Obama/McCain debate is great, too.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Get the Torches! I'll Grab the Pitchforks!

The Setting: Illinois Governor, Rod Blagojevich, was arrested Tuesday on federal conspiracy charges for allegedly (Ha!) attempting to sell the senate seat that will replace President-elect Obama’s vacated spot.

They apparently have Blagojevich on tape pressuring candidates for campaign contributions and other benefits. The powers that be feel it would now be unacceptable for Blagojevich to choose Obama's successor. Many are calling for his resignation, while the Illinois legislature could also vote to impeach him.

Here is my limerick celebrating this momentous event. I know, I know - I should be the US poet laureate.

Once twas a man named Blagojevich
Whose quest for power soon had a glitch
Promised contributions
Soon, his prosecution
Barack said, “The hell you thinkin’, bitch?”

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Five of My Pet Peeves, part II

The Setting: I told you there would be more. Here are five more things that get on my nerves. Wah!

Glitter - I hate any and all glitter. It is so unnecessary and it gets everywhere. Once, I was explaining to a friend of mine that I don't like glitter as I was holding a greeting card that was covered in it. She looked at me and said, "You have some glitter stuck to your forehead." My point, exactly! Now, my friends who know I don't like glitter and I try to torment each other by giving each other Christmas cards covered with as much glitter as possible. MwaHaHaHa! Merry Christmas!

Sports cars that drive 10 mph below the speed limit - I guess it's actually the drivers of the cars who are going 10 mph below the speed limit. Anyway, around here, people go 10 mph above the speed limit like it's a requirement or something. If I see another Corvette going 53 on the freeway... Why did you buy that speed machine if you're not going to at least go the speed limit? I know, I know - the cops are watching you. Whatever...

Pens with blue ink - They remind me of being in elementary school. I just think that black ink is more professional, more formal or something. Blue ink reminds me of practicing writing the alphabet on wide-ruled paper just before going out to recess. And I want absolutely no reminders of that hell known as childhood.

People who tailgate: And every time you slow down or come to a stop, they almost run into the back of your car. Like every single time, it's a surprise to them that traffic is stopping. Like all the brake lights in the other two lanes and my brake lights in front of them are somehow not enough of a hint that we're stopping now. Would you like to just come ride with me? Maybe then you'll get there a whole two seconds sooner. Hmm, maybe driving 10 mph below the speed limit is not so bad after all...

People with no sense of humor - Yes, they actually exist and I know a few of them. I have secretly studied them. My findings: they suck.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Someone Call Shyamalan

The Setting: I'm thinking we need a movie where the cell phones take over the world.

I saw something about this on TV a while back and I just read about it on the npr blog. You can load this software called Shop Savvy to your iPhone or your T-Mobile G1, and it allows you to use the phone's camera to scan the barcode of a product in a store. It then displays the cheapest price for that product and lists reviews from people who have bought the product.

The blog posting also mentions the Shazam application, which allows you to hold your phone up to a TV, car radio speaker, etc and the software identifies the song that's playing and displays a link where you can download the song. Apparently, it only works with a recording of the song; it won't work if you try to sing it (especially the way I sing).

I saw a commercial about this other technology beginning around Thanksgiving time and there is info about it on the Time magazine site. You can use your iPhone, T-Mobile Google phone, or even your Nintendo DS to download recipes and use the device as an interactive cookbook. The Nintendo DS even responds to voice commands.

I know this is just the tip of the iceberg; there's a lot of other cell phone technology out there now and some other things we haven't even heard of yet. For example, I think it was last year I heard they were working on technology where you can scan a movie poster in a movie theatre lobby and then see the preview on your phone. I wonder if that's already available? Anyway, this is all pretty cool stuff.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

A Date Which Will Live in Infamy

The Setting: At 7:53 am on Sunday, December 7, 1941, approximately 184 Japanese bomber and fighter planes began the first wave of attacks on Pearl Harbor Naval Station.

Through a series of miscommunications, the American fleet was totally unprepared for the attack and, in the end, 2,335 servicemen and 68 civilians were killed and 1,178 were wounded. Almost half of the casualties came from the USS Arizona which lost 1,104. The ship still lies at the bottom of the harbor and is the site of the Pearl Harbor memorial.
Photo by Verna Bice.

Following are the first and last paragraphs of FDR's Pearl Harbor Address to the Nation, given on December 8, 1941.


Yesterday, December 7th, 1941 -- a date which will live in infamy -- the United States of America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the Empire of Japan.

I ask that the Congress declare that since the unprovoked and dastardly attack by Japan on Sunday, December 7th, 1941, a state of war has existed between the United States and the Japanese empire.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Being Afraid of John Malkovich

The Setting: Am I the only one who's just a little bit afraid of John Malkovich?

I'm sure he's a very nice man and I know he's acting and all that, but there's just something a little...I don't know...sinister about him. I guess that means he's a really good actor. He is fascinating to me in a he-may-kill-you-in-your-sleep kinda way. He's made several movies that I liked such as In the Line of Fire, Being John Malkovich, and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy.

Anyway, he is hosting Saturday Night Live tonight. I sure hope it's good.

Oh, and don't tell him what I said about him.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

We're Mad as Hell!!

The Setting: I came across this clip of Peter Finch as Howard Beale in the movie Network. Some consider it to be one of the best movie speeches ever. It's from 1976, but it could really be from 2008. Watch the Mad as Hell clip on YouTube.

"I don't have to tell you things are bad. Everybody knows things are bad. It's a depression. Everybody's out of work or scared of losing their job. The dollar buys a nickel's worth; banks are going bust; shopkeepers keep a gun under the counter; punks are running wild in the streets, and there's nobody anywhere who seems to know what to do, and there's no end to it... I'm as mad as hell and I'm not gonna take this anymore!!"

I Can't Fuggetaboutit

The Setting: If I'm lucky, sometime tomorrow I will be buying an apartment building and a grenade launcher. One to generate income and one to destroy my enemies. MwaaHaHaHaHa!! Meet my latest addiction: Mob Wars.

I play it as an app through Facebook, although there is a standalone online version. A friend of mine convinced me to sign up and join her mob, and then I invited another friend to join. I really should not have started playing when I had a couple of days to kill while on Thanksgiving vacation. The more time I spent playing, the more strategy I learned, so the more I wanted to play. It's like crack, I tell ya.

Like a typical mob, the point is to acquire money and power by obtaining weapons and cars, committing crimes (jobs), buying property, and increasing your mob size. You can even keep your money in the bank after paying their 10% laundering fee. You can also attack rival mobs and try to steal their money. I was not at all interested in doing that. I was just going to lay low, try not to draw any attention to myself, and let my properties generate income.

Then someone attacked me. Actually, a few people attacked me and a couple got some of my money. OK, it was only like 12 virtual dollars, but it was MY 12 virtual dollars. It was so ON after that. I sought my revenge, attacking rival gangs with a passion, slowed only by my depleting health points. Once, I got lucky and stole $43K dollars from someone. MwaaHaHaHaHa, part II.

Anyway, I only need another $30K or so to go shopping tomorrow. I love the smell of grenade launcher smoke in the morning. Smells like... well, grenade launcher smoke.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

B&N Kicks Major Ass

The Setting: There is a new Barnes and Noble bookstore near my house, one of those large, two-story versions.

I've decided that when I'm ready to retire or if (when?) I'm forced into early retirement, I am going to get a job at that store. I know I won't make much money but I love me some books. Plus, there's a CD/DVD department and a Starbucks. That's right - I love me some music and some coffee, too.

I went to B&N a few days ago and I ended up getting this book called The Reincarnationist by M.J. Rose, which I read for about an hour while I was still in the store. It's good so far, but I haven't read any more of it because I wanted to finish this other book called The Darkest Evening of the Year by Dean Koontz. I finished it this morning and it was alright - pretty standard Dean Koontz stuff.

I also have another book called Walt Disney World & Orlando for Dummies. I'm not exactly reading it from cover to cover. It's really just a reference for the trip I'd like to take one of these days. I like the Dummies books; they really appeal to my analytical need to plan out everything.

In related news, I guess I haven't been paying that much attention to the B&N web site. They actually have a tag cloud at the bottom of their home page, which I thought was cool for some reason. I guess I'm easily amused.
Photo courtesy of www.BN.com.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Grayish Black Friday

The Setting: Black Friday is the Friday after Thanksgiving that officially kicks off the Christmas shopping season. It's when retailers are supposed to start making a profit, moving from the red to the black.

I just got back home a little while ago. I was in Sears' electronics department at 6 am this morning. I don't normally participate in Black Friday activities, but I was up early out of habit and decided to just do it. Nope, I did not get the 65-inch Mitsubishi LaserVue HDTV I wrote about a couple days ago. Tempting, but I decided to go with my second choice: a Samsung 19-inch HDTV to put in my bedroom.

The mall parking lot was about half full at 6 am and there were a LOT of people in Sears already (they opened at 5). My brother had brought a paper over on Thanksgiving and I was able to look through the ads, so it didn't take me long to pick out the TV I wanted at Sears; however, the wait in line at the cash registers took about an hour.

I haven't heard yet if the experts consider this to be a successful Black Friday or if it's more of a Gray, a Reddish Grayish Black, or what. Personally, I think we are still doomed, but hopefully we are on our way to not being quite as doomed. What's just below doomed? Screwed? I'm hoping that next year we can start turning this ridonculous economy around. Whatever happens, I'll be watching it all go down on my new TV.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

So Let's Recap...

The Setting: I really admire people who have blogs with a theme and every single day they post something that has to do with that topic. I'm not sure I have that much to say about anything. And being the arrogant bastard that I am, I usually have something to say about pretty much everything.

I was looking back over my last week's worth of postings and they are all over the place. I must be whacked out of my mind. Let's review, shall we?

  • Nov. 18: I posted five of my pet peeves (there will be more). I think my comments about soccer moms may have offended a few people. As planned. I can cross #17 off my list of things to do this week.
  • Nov. 20: I discussed the controversy surrounding CA's Prop 8; specifically, how protesters picketed at some Mormon temples because of the church's huge support of this prop. Final score: My Two Moms 1, Your Fourteen Wives 0.
  • Nov. 21: I thought I was all clever for inventing a new phrase called the Shyamalan Phenomenon, about how so many movie trailers are better than the movies themselves. Since then, I discovered others have used this phrase before I did, although with different definitions. I am still clever, but to a lesser degree.
  • Nov. 22: I showed my sensitive side and posted a kick-ass puppycam. It helps me relax, OK?!
  • Nov. 23: I listed my ten reasons why Puff the cat (not her real name) was "just not working out." I had to laugh thinking of that cat doing the Lord of the Dance clog dance on the wood floors.
  • Nov. 24: I admitted I am a geek and I listed some of my favorite gadgets from Wired magazine's Wish List 2008. Any minute now, the FBI will be kicking my door in for using the words "bullets" and "sniper" in the same blog posting. Hey, they were nerf bullets. Oh, and I'm gonna win that Wired contest, which includes $8500 worth of electronic loot (eLoot?).
  • Nov. 25: To balance out my greed, I discussed Network for Good, my favorite online charity donation site. Seriously, check it out.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Network for Good

The Setting: OK, after my greed-driven posting yesterday, here's the real deal: Network for Good.

I like to use this site for making donations online. It allows you to search for your favorite charities and easily make donations to one or several organizations, all in one spot. It also keeps track of your donation history so you can print receipts for tax purposes.

These are tough economic times for all of us, but if you have a few extra bucks, why not help out someone who may have it even worse than you do.

Check out Network for Good here.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Wish List 2008

The Setting: Today I received my latest issue of Wired magazine in the mail. (Hi, I'm Val and I'm a geek!). This Dec. 2008 issue has a section called Wish List, which is a guide to help you find just the right gift for that special someone.

First of all, they trick you by starting with a fold-out ad of the new Blackberry Storm, which keeps mocking me from those cool TV ads. OK, maybe I don't need that or any of this stuff, but here are some things Wired highlighted that I wouldn't mind having:

Nerf N-Strike Recon CS-6 - This "pump-action blaster" shoots nerf foam bullets and comes with a "red-dot sight for cubicle sniping." Pump action? Red-dot sight? Cubicle sniping? And it's only twenty bucks? I'll take one! This outta liven up those staff meetings a little bit...

Tod's Cartella Computer Bag - This is a very, very sweet textured leather computer bag and it's only $1600. Ha! But the really cool thing is, Wired is having a contest and someone will win one of these bags filled with 23 very cool electronic gadgets. By "someone," I mean Val.

Mitsubishi LaserVue HDTV - Apparently, this TV consumes 33 percent less energy than a similar sized LCD and the lasers will never need replacing. Whatever. It's 65 inches of HDTV heaven! Picture it: my new TV, my La-Z-boy recliner, my 14 empty pizza boxes, and my big ole' fat butt. Merry Christmas! P.S. - This TV is only $6,999. What a deal.




Photo Credits: http://www.toysrus.com/, www.neimanmarcus.com, www.laservuetv.com

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Puff, It's Not You, It's Me...

The Setting: Yesterday, a friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who had gone to the pound to get a cat. She ended up taking it back. Then she got another one and took it back, too. Finally, she got a third one and kept it. Her explanation with the first two? "They just weren't working out."

We thought that was hilarious. They were cats. How could a cat possibly not work out? They don't need or want much. Turns out, according to my friend's friend, the first two cats actually were very needy. I'm not sure in what way, but I just had to come up with my top ten things Puff the cat could do to cause her to "just not work out.". Drum roll please....
  1. She keeps eating my Pop Tarts.
  2. She gets little splatters on the mirror every time she brushes her teeth.
  3. She never puts gas in the car.
  4. She keeps dressing my dog up in stupid outfits.
  5. She smokes in the house, even though we agreed she would only do it on the back porch.
  6. I keep coming home and catching her doing that Lord of the Dance clog dance. On my wood floors!
  7. I suspect she's having an affair with my husband.
  8. She won't stop licking herself.
  9. She won't stop licking my husband.
  10. She's a Republican.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Puppies for Breakfast

The Setting: Puppycam! Watch puppies playing. And sleeping. A lot. But hurry! They won't stay puppies for long.

I'm doing this for your own good. Scientific evidence proves that watching puppies pounce on each other, chew on each others' ears and tails, eat out of a shared bowl, sleep in a big pile, pee on a newspaper, shake toys around in their mouths, and jump up on any human who goes into their cage actually lowers your blood pressure and helps you relax .

Oh wait, that wasn't the puppycam, that was the party last night at my place. ;-)

Look closely and you'll see they have on different colored collars. Dark Blue Collar is my fave. View the puppycam here.

Friday, November 21, 2008

The Shyamalan Phenomenon

The Setting: How come there are so many movies that don’t live up to their hype?

I went to the movies the other day to see Quantum of Solace. I didn't like it as much as Casino Royale, also featuring Daniel Craig, but I liked it more than the critics seemed to. Before the movie started, I realized that I could probably enjoy sitting in a theatre and watching nothing but movie previews for two hours, as long as there were a medium popcorn and a large Slurpee involved. Whomever is in charge of editing those movie trailers (the directors?), does a really good job of making you want to see the actual movies. The trailers are like little two-minute movies, with nothing but good parts throughout.

The problem is, the two-hour versions of many of those movies can't match the excitement of the trailers. This happens quite a bit with M. Night Shyamalan movies. I always want to see his movies but often end up disappointed. One example is The Happening, starring Mark Wahlberg. Did you see it? Remember how great the trailers were? Don't get me wrong: the movie was OK. It had some good suspenseful scenes, and it had that message about mankind not destroying the earth, blah, blah, blah, but I just wanted more. Check out various trailers for The Happening.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

My Two Moms

The Setting: On Friday, November 14 about 2000 demonstrators protested at Temple Square in Salt Lake City against CA Prop 8, which amends California's constitution to define marriage as legal only between one man and one woman.

Another 2,000 protesters had picketed Thursday afternoon outside the Los Angeles temple of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Opponents of Prop 8 said they targeted the Mormon church because, allegedly, Mormon leaders had instructed church members to support the cause as much as possible, and that the church "donated a majority of money raised in support of the measure” (rumor has it, $19M). Protesters wondered if $19M was the amount needed to erase that line between church and state. The church said that it did not target any specific group and said in a statement that “it is disturbing The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being singled out for speaking up as part of its democratic right in a free election."

The Mormon leaders recently stated, "undeviating standard of sexual morality: intimate relations are proper only between a husband and a wife united in bonds of matrimony." Protesters felt the church was being hypocritical, considering their history with polygamy, which involves relations between a husband and several wives. Although the practice was abandoned over 100 years ago, some Fundamentalist groups are rumored to still practice it underground (ala Warren Jeffs).

Needless to say, this battle will not be over for a long time to come. Whatever your views, my favorite picket sign I saw on CNN during the Salt Lake protests said, "My two moms can beat up your 14 wives."

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Five of My Pet Peeves

The Setting: Here are just a few things that get on my nerves. There will be more. Day ain't over yet.

Cheap-assed paper plates: Because they bend and you end up wearing the food. Pay the extra 43 cents and splurge for the Chinettes. Please.

Precocious children: Because they are possessed by the devil. All of them. Prove me wrong.

Bill O'Reilly: Not really a pet peeve; he just bugs me. He was probably a precocious child.

People who never shut the hell up: Because they never shut the hell up.

Mini vans: Because they represent everything that's wrong with America. OK, just kidding. Let's see... soccer mom driving her kids around, cutting me off because either that van has some wicked blind spots or mommy dearest has self medicated to deal with giving up her hopes and dreams to be relegated to driving small people around who actually have lives of their own.

Wow, I really need to eat lunch - apparently, my blood sugar has dropped to dangerously low levels. ;-)~

Monday, November 17, 2008

Cleveland Browns vs. Buffalo Bills

The Setting: Monday Night Football, November 17, 2008. Cleveland Browns vs. Buffalo Bills at Buffalo.

I don't typically watch football on Monday nights, or any night, for that matter. I used to be into it, but not so much anymore. But I watched most of this game and I picked a good one to watch as it was actually very exciting. Several interceptions, lots of breakaway runs, a couple of back-to-back long yardage touchtowns, last-minute field goal, last-minute field goal miss, score close enough to keep it interesting. Final score: Cleveland 29, Buffalo 27.

I also discovered that this guy named James Walker, who works for ESPN.com, has a live blog going during the game. He posts about every half hour or so on the status of the game. Interesting. I'm gonna have to think of a reason to do a live, ongoing blog one day. Maybe I'll do it tomorrow at work: "OK, I'm going to the bathroom again. Finally, time for lunch. Now I'm staring blankly at my keyboard. Uh oh, here comes my boss..."

Movies of 2008 Christmas Season

The Setting: The five movies of the 2008 Christmas season that I am most looking forward to.


December 12The Day the Earth Stood Still
Keanu Reeves pretty much acts robot-like in all of his movies so he will probably do a good job playing space alien Klaatu in this remake of the 1951 original movie. Also stars Jennifer Connelly and Kathy Bates (love her!). And I’m sure there will be lots of things blowing up. Woo hoo!

December 19Seven Pounds
Will Smith stars as a suicidal IRS agent who is changing the lives of seven people. But we don’t know why. There is enough of a mystery here to make me really want to see this movie. That, and the fact that Will Smith is in it and he usually makes great movies. Plus, he’s fine as hell. Also stars Woody Harrelson and Rosario Dawson.

December 19The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
Brad Pitt plays a boy who was born into a 70-year old body and he’s aging backwards. No, I don’t know how it all works, but this is a funky enough concept that I wanna see it. Also stars Cate Blanchett and Tilda Swinton.

December 25Marley & Me
Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson star with a very cute Labrador named, you guessed it, Marley. It is about various adventures in this wild and crazy dog’s 13-year life. I know, I know: it is a feel good movie. What’s wrong with that? Hey, any excuse for some popcorn and a Slurpee.

December 26Valkyrie
Tom Cruise and friends plot to assassinate Hitler in Nazi Germany. Um… I don’t think they succeed, but what the heck? Interesting story, probably has some great action, and Tom Cruise is in it. Eddie Izzard is also in it – he’s my future husband, although he probably doesn’t know yet. Oh, and I get another Slurpee!



Wednesday, November 5, 2008

"America is a place where all things are possible..."


"Rosa Parks sat so Martin could walk... Martin walked so Obama could run... Obama ran so our children can fly..."
~ Author unknown


Photo: Kyle Almond/CNN

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Vote Vote Vote!

The Setting: Early October in a westbound Delta flight. A 23-year old female is talking to a 26-year old male whom she met during the flight. Valley Val is eavesdropping (mainly because she hadn't bothered putting on her noise canceling headphones).

Female: "Yeah, my sister and I are so different. We're nothing alike. I'm short, she's tall; I have blond hair and blue eyes, she has brown hair and dark eyes; I'm Democrat, and she has a stick up her ass..."

Those were her words, not mine.

I voted during early voting, but I took my mother to the polls this morning. Very early this morning. We got in line just before 5 am. There were around 20 people in front of us. The doors opened at 6 am and we were back in the car at 6:15. By then, there were probably another 200 people in line. What I noticed about the crowd was the mixture of people: older people (definition: anyone older than I am), younger people; black people, white people, brown people (a lot more white than black or brown); people (supposedly) with sticks up their asses, others (allegedly) with no sticks up theirs.

The polls are beginning to close in the eastern states. CNN just projected that McCain won Kentucky and Obama won Vermont. Hopefully, by the end of the night, we will know which one is our next president, and it won't drag on for days. No matter what happens, history will be made tonight. I kinda like this strange new world in which two young white people can sit on an airline flight and openly discuss why they're voting for a black man. Another thing that's for sure: this has been the most interesting, exciting, mud slingingly, emotional election in which I have ever voted. And I am SO glad it's (almost) over.

Friday, October 31, 2008

Happy All Hallow's Eve

The Setting: Halloween. What is it, anyway?

According to Sabbatarian.com: "Samhain is the original festival that became "All Saints' Day," or "All Hallow's Evening". The day before Samhain is the last day of the old year and the day after Samhain is the first day of the pagan "New Year". Being a day "between years," it is considered a very magical night, when the dead walk among the living and the veils between past, present and future may be lifted in prophecy and divination."

And mysteriousbritain.co.uk:
"Traditionally, it is when the gates of the otherworld are open, a time when dark forces are abroad in the realm of humans."


Yikes! That's too much for me, man. All I wanna do is watch scary movies and eat some crown-threatening Tootsie Rolls, Dubble Bubble gum, and Dots. Happy Halloween!

Monday, October 20, 2008

Press Send and Watch the Fun Begin

The Setting: You have just sent an e-mail to a friend or co-worker of yours, saying something negative about someone else. Only after clicking Send do you realize that you actually also sent the e-mail to the person you were bad-mouthing.

I can’t recall ever doing this myself, but I have had several experiences where I sent an e-mail to someone and included some unflattering things about someone else, and then the person I originally sent it to responded and copied several other people on the e-mail (bastard!). This typically happens when there's a long e-mail string and people aren't thinking about what may be included in one of the earlier e-mails.

Basically, I’ve learned to not include anything in an e-mail that I wouldn’t mind someone else seeing because I know I have zero control over what happens to that e-mail after I send it. But I am an idiot, after all, so I am sure I will continue saying things I later wish I could take back. Just refer to any of my previous blog postings for examples…

Here is the article I read today on this topic. The comments at the end of other people’s embarrassing examples are hilarious. I would love to hear your embarrassing stories, too.
http://www.cnn.com/2008/LIVING/worklife/10/20/lw.recovering.email.mistakes/index.html

Thursday, October 9, 2008

That One 08


The Setting: Tuesday, October 7, 2008. The presidential debate.
John McCain: "“By the way my friends, I know you grow a little weary of this back and forth. There was an energy bill on the floor of the Senate – loaded down with goodies, billions for the oil companies,” Mr. McCain said, winding up to it. “You know who voted for it – you might never know?”
He then pointed at his rival, Senator Barack Obama, and answered his own question: "That one." He continued, “You know who voted against it? Me.”"



Tuesday, September 30, 2008

We're Doomed! Doomed, I Tell Ya!!

The Setting: The failing American economy. All day, every day.

Banking Industry: We’re doomed!
Mortgage Lenders: We’re doomed!

Homeowners soon to be in Foreclosure: We're doomed! And soon to be homeless!
401K Plans: We suck!
Californian: We’re, like, doomed, dudes!
American Taxpayers: We’re doomed!
Iran: You’re doomed! Mwwaa hahahahahahaha!
British Stock Market / Nikkei / Hang Seng / India Stock Market: They’re doomed; therefore, so are we, but to a lesser degree!
Congress: We’re doomed! And indecisive!!

[Pause]

American Taxpayers: Wanna go for a Starbucks?
Everybody: Yaaaaaay!!

[Pause]

Dow Jones: Uh…Can I borrow five bucks?

Monday, September 29, 2008

"United" Nations Speech

The Setting: In his annual address to the United Nations General Assembly, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (pronounced ass-hole) resumed his criticism of American foreign policy. Ahmadinejad gave his opinion onseveral tantalizing topics. The U.S. diplomats were not there, except for one woman taking notes. Seriously? In 2008 we actually have a note taker? What if the note taker wrote down what Ahmadinejad meant rather than what he said? Let's see what would happen, shall we?

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad: "Tehran will not abandon its nuclear ambitions. I officially announce that in our opinion, the nuclear issue of Iran is now closed and has turned into an ordinary agency matter."
American Note Taker: 'As soon as we get enough plutonium, we are going to blow something up.'
Ahmadinejad: "Again, I insist that the program is for peaceful purposes only” [chuckles unconvincingly] "I just don’t understand these accusations from Washington. We are not pursuing a nuclear weapon. All our nuclear activities are transparent, peaceful, and under the watchful eyes of the IAEA inspectors."
Note Taker: 'More than likely, it will be Israel. Or possibly the United States.'
Ahmadinejad: "Excellencies, the question needs to be asked, if the governments of the United States or the United Kingdom, who are permanent members of the Security Council, commit aggression, occupation, and violation of international law, which of the organs of the U.N. can take them to account?"
Note Taker: Writing furiously, 'America…is…spawn…of…the…devil. I 'm… taking…my…ball…and…going…home.'
Ahmadinejad: "Today, it is undeniable that the Security Council most critically and urgently needs legitimacy and effectiveness."
Note Taker: 'I repeat, we are going to annihilate our enemies as soon as we possibly can...'
Ahmadinejad: "Human beings are all God's creatures and are all endowed with dignity and respect. No one has superiority over others. Citizens of Asia, Africa, Europe and America are all equal."
Note Taker: '…starting with Israel.'
Ahmadinejad: "All nations and states are entitled to peace, progress and security."
Note Taker: 'I am a nut. You must stop me by any means necessary. '
Ahmadinejad: "Together we can eradicate the roots of bitter maladies and afflictions and, instead, through the promotion of universal and lasting values, such as ethics, spirituality and justice, allow our nations to taste the sweetness of a better future."
Note Taker: 'Seriously, stop me. Trust me on this.'
Ahmadinejad: "It is imperative and also desirable that we, too, contribute to the promotion of justice and virtue."
Note Taker: 'I am full of shit.'
Ahmadinejad: "All divine prophets, from the prophet Adam, peace be upon him, to the prophet Moses, to the prophet Jesus Christ, to the prophet Mohammad, have all called humanity to monotheism, justice, brotherhood, love and compassion."
Note Taker: 'I am in deniable of my own insanity.'

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Dodge Ram Pick-ups are Cool!

The Setting: Loop 202 – West freeway, center lane, Wednesday morning around 6:40 am.

Valley Val: "Dear driver of the white Dodge Ram 2500 pick-up with available 5.7L HEMI V8 engine with 345 hp with up to 15,650-lb towing capacity, the most capable off-road full-size pickup, Nice truck. But seriously: GET OFF MY FUCKING TAIL!! Love, Val"

The Dream Ticket

The Setting: What would have happened if Barack Obama had chosen Hillary Clinton as his running mate? What would John McCain have had to do to beat an Obama / Clinton ticket?

McCain: "Jesus, I need your help!"
Jesus: "What do you need, Scott? No… Tom! Wait, who are you again?"
McCain: "It’s John! You remember me. Come on…"
Jesus: "Let me open these blinds. Oh yeah, I see it now. OK, I'm good. What can I help you with?"
McCain: "It's about this whole Obama / Clinton thing."
Jesus: "Yes, I've heard about it."
McCain: "I need your help. Obama / Clinton is the Dream Ticket. I don't think there is any ticket that will be strong enough to beat them. Obama / Clinton will beat anybody I could bring. There's McCain / Huckabee, but let's face it: he even scares the hell out of me."
Jesus: "Me, too!"
McCain: "A McCain / Powell ticket could've come close, but Colin said no."
Jesus: "Can't say I blame him."
McCain: "So I got to thinking. What ticket could possibly beat Obama / Clinton? And then it came to me. Picture it: McCain / Christ."
Jesus: "Don’t you mean Christ / McCain?"
McCain: "Aw, come on. I've already gotten the presidential nomination. I just need a running mate. But I just can't beat that Obama / Clinton ticket."
Jesus: "Well, neither can I. Besides, I'm an Independent. Security!"

Tuesday, September 23, 2008

I just LOVE Sarah Palin!

The Setting: Saturday morning, overheard in radio interviews of passers-by.

Interviewer: "Has Gov. Sarah Palin being involved in the presidential election influenced how you are going to vote?"
Black Woman: "Nope."
Black Man: "Hell no."
Young Person: "No, 'cause I wasn't gonna vote anyway."
White Man: Not really. "Although she is nice to look at, she doesn't really change anything. She is cute, though."
White Woman (current John McCain supporter): "I was going to vote for McCain anyway, but this makes it even better!"
White Woman (former Hillary Clinton supporter): "I was going to vote for McCain anyway, but this makes it even better! No, I’m not really sure what makes her qualified, but she is like me. I have children, and I'm a soccer mom, which is VERY similar to a hockey mom. Plus, I wear lipstick, too! It's perfect! I have so much respect for her! I just couldn’t bring myself to vote for Obama. I can't put my finger on it, there's just something about him. Oh no, it's not because he’s black. I'm not prejudiced or anything. Some of my best friends… well, my neighbor's nanny is black. And I let her come over to our cook-out a couple weekends ago. So she could watch the kids. Anyway, I heard Obama was Muslim and I just can't support that. I just LOVE Sarah Palin! I feel like I've been knowing her forever!"

Wednesday, September 17, 2008

Yay! Trip to Super Target!

The Setting: Super Target, Sunday morning, 10 am. Checkout lane #6.

The teenaged cashier is standing there, thinking of teenaged cashier things. Previous Customer is pushing her basket away. Enter Valley Val. Valley approaches the register and begins placing her items on the conveyor belt.

Teenaged Cashier: [blank stare]
Valley Val: "Hello."
Teenaged Cashier: [blank stare as she begins ringing up the items.]
Valley Val: (this time louder) "Good morning!"
Teenaged Cashier: "Oh, hi." [said in an "Oh, I didn’t see you there, even though I had already started ringing up your items" kind of tone.]

The cashier finishes ringing up the merchandise, putting it in bags, and placing them at the end of the register stand. Valley pays with a debit card and decides to get $20 cash back. Teenaged Cashier finishes ringing up the items.

Valley places the last of the bags in her cart. "Hmmm," Valley thinks, "I wonder if Teenaged Cashier will actually *tell* me the total amount or make me figure it out on my own." Valley faces Teenaged Cashier.

Teenaged Cashier: [blank stare]
Valley Val: [blanker stare]
Teenaged Cashier: [blank stare]

Valley Val thinks, "Say it, say it. You can do it… 'Your total is…' Come on…"

Teenaged Casher: [looks uncomfortable and gestures toward debit card machine] "Just a couple more button pushes." [said in the slightly condescending tone nurses use when they speak to elderly people at the doctor’s office, like they’re deaf or stupid.]

Valley Val looks at debit card machine and thinks, "Oh, there’s my total. Good thing I looked here." She pushes just a couple more buttons. Teenaged Cashier grabs the receipt and the $20 bill and hands it to Valley. Valley wonders, "Hmmm, I wonder if Teenaged Cashier will muster up enough energy to thank me for coming to the store today."

Valley takes the money and the receipt and pauses for a few seconds.

Teenaged Cashier: "There ya go."

Valley Val has been dismissed. She thinks, "I
feel so complete. So… satisfied. Thank you, Teenaged Cashier for making my day. I'm ever so glad I came into this store today!"