I Have an Idea: Shut up!

The Setting: I do not condone shooting a fellow patron in a movie theatre, but I'm thinking it might be OK to slap them around a little bit.

You should be able to tell by now that I like to go to the movies. A lot. Going to the movies for me is an experience. I get there early, get my medium popcorn and my large Icee, I sit almost all the way at the top of the stadium seating, on the aisle. I actually enjoy watching the previews, partly because they allow me to decide on the next batch of movies I'm going to see.

Inevitably, a couple comes in, usually as the previews are playing, sometimes after the movie has already started. They are talking when they walk in, they talk through the previews, then they continue to talk through the entire picture. Their conversation is usually about the movie, but the couple sitting behind me last week talked about everything but the movie. Actually, the girl was talking, the guy just grunted a few responses now and then. I was hoping one of those grunts would stand for, "shut the hell up."

The last time I went to the movies, The Couple came in and sat in the row I was in, about three seats over. They talked through the entire movie, speculating about what was happening in the movie. I do not like having a movie ruined by the people next to me saying, "I bet you the butler did it!" That's exactly what it's like. Maybe I want to figure out on my own that it was Col. Mustard, with a wrench, in the library.

So this is for you, Mr. and Mrs. Ruin the Movie For Everyone Around You. Maybe discussing the movie and figuring the mystery out is part of your experience. OK, fine. But could you sit in those seats in front of the stadium part so the rest of us don't have to hear it? And I'm not implying anything, but here's an article my friend posted about a guy who shot someone in a theatre who wouldn't stop talking. Again, I do not condone this behavior. I'm just sayin'...

Five of My Pet Peeves

The Setting: Here are just a few things that get on my nerves. There will be more. Day ain't over yet.

Cheap-assed paper plates: Because they bend and you end up wearing the food. Pay the extra 43 cents and splurge for the Chinettes. Please.

Precocious children: Because they are possessed by the devil. All of them. Prove me wrong.

Bill O'Reilly: Not really a pet peeve; he just bugs me. He was probably a precocious child.

People who never shut the hell up: Because they never shut the hell up.

Mini vans: Because they represent everything that's wrong with America. OK, just kidding. Let's see... soccer mom driving her kids around, cutting me off because either that van has some wicked blind spots or mommy dearest has self medicated to deal with giving up her hopes and dreams to be relegated to driving small people around who actually have lives of their own.

Wow, I really need to eat lunch - apparently, my blood sugar has dropped to dangerously low levels. ;-)~